it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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