A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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