I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
