My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
