Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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