I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Randomize
