i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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