remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
