i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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