we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
