i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
