i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
be right there i have to get my cape
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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