I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
