lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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