I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm both gender and math confused
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
