My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
