Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
