So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
