Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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