I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
