how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Randomize
