it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
