Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
