you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
