i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
