and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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