Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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