Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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