The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
