i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
