It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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