He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
