final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
