Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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