I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
