Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
