i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
