3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
