When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
