He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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