just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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