Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
