I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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