my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
