Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
