tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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