my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
