i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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