her vagine was all disorganized.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
