a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need help removing her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
